[blockquote source=”Timber Hawkeye”]“Instead of chasing happiness like a hamster on a wheel, I say slow down. Sit. There is nothing you need to buy, and there is nowhere you need to go. Just a few minutes each day of taking inventory of everything in your life worth appreciating, is the first step we can take to guiding the next generation away from this growing sense of entitlement, and toward a deeper appreciation for life itself.”[/blockquote]
When my daughter was much younger, she had the most infuriating of habits. For, whenever I was in a mad dash about – she would literally drag her toes in defiance.
“Hurry up,” I’d grumble, only to be met with the maddening sound of two toddler shoes whoosh…whoosh…whooshing along.
Oh, and it used to make my blood just simply boil. As a single Mom, I was always rushing about – in a hurry for, well…I don’t know what.
My husband had just left, leaving me alone with these two beautiful children and barely the means to make ends meet. It was Mother’s Day when I saw the note on the table,
“By the time you read this – I’ll be gone.”
At first, I was devastated – terrified of the moments to come, and too afraid to let go of ones that had gone. I thought my life was over, but in reality – it had only just begun.
And, in an odd way, I felt relieved – having spent so many years forcing a fit into a world that wasn’t conducive to my inner bliss.
I was exhausted. Fitting in to someone else’s story can be a lot harder than creating your own.
Oh, but my darlings…we must all have our story.
In the months to follow, I burrowed myself into the routine of things. Wake up, brush teeth, feed kids…and, off to bed, once again..
I suppose, in keeping so busy I felt I could push off that which was the inevitable…my inevitable.
The healing…the rediscovering…the stepping boldly through adventure’s door.
There is a Buddhist prayer regarding awakening,
“Enlightenment is like the moon reflected on the water.
The moon does not get wet, nor is the water broken.
Although its light is wide and great,
The moon is reflected even in a puddle an inch wide.
The whole moon and the entire sky
Are reflected in one dewdrop on the grass.” ~ Dogen
At times, I felt this way about my own ‘dusting off’ – because, when the veil was finally lifted, I could feel my connection to everything else.
In the hardened bark of the tallest trees…
In the wetness of sweet grass gently tickling my feet…
Even in the eyes of complete strangers…my dears, I could see myself there, too.
Suddenly, I wasn’t quite so overwhelmed anymore – and, my loneliness was gone.
Looking back, I suppose my daughter was my very first introduction to this, the true heart of Buddhism – offering in her stubborn little steps the beginning of my very own slowing down.
Had I not learned to slow my pace – my dears, this brilliant discovery would surely have been lost.
And, I never would have realized the truth in the beauty of not ever giving up.
