Tag: discovery

We Are Never “Not Enough”.

“I was a fool for thinking anyone could love me.”

I remember first waking to this thought; it wrapped itself through the shadows, clinging to a doubt I hadn’t yet known.

Through each iteration, my blood turned cold. “I’m not good enough to receive the love of this world.”

Sometimes, in this process self-discovery we pause – unwilling to press further. We see ourselves through the lens of limitation, the first of many layered uncoverings.

And never content, we strive to move forward. Though sadly, fear keeps us stationed here. What is it that we hope to find? Belief, hope, faith…resilience?

And what shall we do when it takes our hand? Do we rise, or do we fail? In the end, we are the summary of our inclusions – destined to reconcile, to make amends with this tone and tempo of illusion.

I could have just as easily said, “Love doesn’t exclude, rather – it surrounds.” Yet, the lesser value was the one returned.

Was it Doubt speaking then, or was it I?

If there’s a story to tell, why not one that begins – “She brought the world joy, and that in and of itself was …enough…”

Mind your stories, loves…

In peace…

Namaste ❤️

The Blessing of Discovery.

It’s not often we find a place which entices a magic; revealing a depth of heart not previously known.

Within which exists an intrinsic sense of belonging; and the honor of standing in the grace of our own awakening.

As the sun cast her warmth against the richness of the Sandia Mountain ridge, my spirit welcomed pause – as I reflected upon the circumstances of these last several years.

I thought of those loved dearly, then ‘lost’ – and the gratitude gained through simply knowing them.

I thought of my many ‘failed’ attempts, the subsequent heartache and upset – realizing faith can only be forged when the heart is truly tested.

I thought of my initial fear in hearing my own Parkinson’s diagnosis – never once considering the blessing to be revealed.

That is both the irony and beauty of this life, my loves – an awakening served upon this path of ‘not ever knowing.’

Within which, we discover that which we’ve known all along; that only the fiercest of storms may reveal the raindrop’s true beauty.

I’ll be traveling again today, my loves. If you could please, send good thoughts for the return voyage home.

Until then, wishing you peace and the blessing of discovery ~

Namaste ❤️

This Blessing of Knowing.

Such a blessing in life to be surrounded by love.

All around me, through messages of caring to curled up pup ~ I’m astonished by this gathering of humanity, and its capacity to share above all else.

Never content to manifest simply, love bursts through tethered seams exposing the delicate nature of heart beneath.

And we are made better for it, though initially despaired — frightened by this prospect of knowing ourselves greater than another’s hand.

Just as matter of night needs depth of light to carry out its hues of glory – so, too must we be drawn; a transformation guided through twilight’s yearning.

You see, my loves…

We are blessed in proportion to our willingness to receive.

In peace…

Namaste ❤️

This Dance of Light.

“These trees are magnificent,” the poet Rilke once observed. “but even more magnificent is the sublime and moving space between them, as though with their growth it too increased.”

My darlings, the ‘space between’ is calling me; through wooded path and timbered trail, and simply to find my place again.

Not even the tortured burn of a body failed can keep me; for faith shall serve destiny’s will.

And I am made whole through these lumberings of journey.

Neither the stinging whip of ‘unfurled branch’ nor the labyrinth of twisted root could deter; a heart’s resolve is measured through doing.

“So we are grasped, by that which we could not grasp,
at such great distance, so fully manifest—
and it changes us, even when we do not reach it,
into something that, hardly sensing it, we already are…”

Isn’t it amazing, my loves – that throughout all of this journey? In the end, that which you are seeking is you.

In peace…

Namaste ❤️

What Do Your Secrets Reveal?

[blockquote source=”Rumi”]”The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you, do not go back to sleep.”[/blockquote]

I like to get up quite early these days; early enough to catch the dawn before the rest of the world has awakened.

I like to look out my window; to appreciate the stillness just as it is.

Without expectation…

Without judgement…

Without any inclination as to how my day might proceed.

In these moments, I surrender. I surrender to the soft calm. I surrender to the warmth of my mug. I surrender to the contented breath of my sleeping pup.

I surrender to all those secrets that might soon be revealed.

It’s within these moments that time seems oddly suspended;

“For still there are so many things
That I have never seen
In every wood in every spring
There is a different green.” – J.R.R. Tolkien

It’s all right here, my darlings…a ‘masterpiece’ painted in life’s greatest glory.

With only this voice to carry us here; sweet music to the soul-searching ear.

 

God Bless This Open Road.

“Afoot and light-hearted I take to the open road,
Healthy, free, the world before me,
The long brown path before me leading wherever I choose….

Not I, nor anyone else can travel that road for you.
You must travel it by yourself.
It is not far. It is within reach.
Perhaps you have been on it since you were born, and did not know.
Perhaps it is everywhere – on water and land.”

– Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

Poet, Walt Whitman once proclaimed that a child entering the world each day might take upon the energy of all that was ‘seen.’ And, in a very special way, it seems.

For, “the first object he look’s upon he became. And that object became part of him for a day or a certain part of the day, Or for many years or stretching cycle of years.”

I’d like to think we carry these ‘faces of joy’ on throughout our years; through twisted paths, and climbing branches and streams that never seem to end.

Their energy is always with us – a vested piece of our most precious soul.

Begging us to carry them forward – ‘afoot and light-hearted’ on this wide and open road.

This Precious Human Journey.

[blockquote source=”Henry David Thoreau”]“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.”[/blockquote]

My darlings, what do you see when you look forward towards your path?

Do you see the majesty of these wide open spaces, and the miracles that lie ahead?

Does the challenge of this winding trail cause your hear to come alive? Do you “launch yourself upon every wave, and find eternity in every moment?”

Or, do you wince at those obstacles instead?

This is not a ‘shrink to fit’ life, my darlings. Blink once, and it will soon be gone. And, these choices but a faded memory – leaving only the imprint of regret upon your heart.

So, just for today, my darlings…why not step boldly onto this path of discovery, and cherish this ‘story that has yet to be told’? Find the magic within your every moment, and leave worry at another’s door.

Because, I promise you, my dearest darlings, this precious human life is very much worth the journey.

From His Holiness, the Dalai Lama;

“Today I am fortunate to have woken up.
I am alive, I have a precious human life.
I am not going to waste it.

Indeed, my loves ~ happiness is a state of being, when living is our choice.

When Chaos Is Our Teacher.

[blockquote source=”Rumi”]”Your hand opens and closes, opens and closes. If it were always a fist or always stretched open, you would be paralysed. Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding, the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated as birds’ wings.”[/blockquote]

I noticed something in my yoga practice yesterday.

While attempting to execute a ‘balance posture’, I kept tumbling over to the opposite side of my mat. And though, I had successfully completed the posture many times before – there was something there, on this day, they kept nudging me over.

It had such a palpable texture to it, sharp and uninviting – certainly, replete of promise. And, with each failed attempt I felt as if this awful ‘beast’ was growing.

I was really discouraged – thinking this problem of balance to be a potentially irreversible part of my disease progression.

I caught myself becoming entangled in those million threads of possibility:

What will the future hold?

How will I manage?

Is this the end of my spiritual journey?

Oh, my goodness – how quickly the mind may create an overwhelming something out of nothing.  It’s as if our brains are ‘hard wired’, desperate to fill in the gaps where our internal logic may fail.

We are so unsettled by this energy of uncertainty, that we begin to create our own distractions. We tell stories, we attach meaning…we water down, we distort. All in a futile attempt to escape the fear associated with these feelings.

In Gayle Ferguson’s book, Natural Wakefulness, he offers that “distraction is married to discontent.” That our degree of distraction is directly proportionate to our very own unsettledness.

For me, distraction serves as a sort of internal mindfulness bell – as, there’s no better reminder than being swept away into the habit of emotion.

You can feel it, can’t you? That moment when you begin getting worked up? Our chest may tighten, our breathing may change – the precursor to our ‘fight or flight’ tendencies.

As Pema Chödrön mentions in her book, How to Meditate: A Practical Guide to Making Friends with Your Mind ,

[blockquote]”There’s nothing as real and direct and counterhabitual as being present with yourself, just as you are, with your emotions just as they are. As difficult as that can be, the result of that training is nonstruggle: not rejecting your experience, fully engaged with yourself, with the world, there for other people. Another result of coming back to being with yourself, just as you are, is that emotions don’t escalate.”[/blockquote]

As counterintuitive as it may seem, the fact that we are able to recognize when we are spinning out of control – is actually a very positive thing.

As, within that moment we may discover our greatest capacity to change.

[blockquote source=”Pema Chödrön “]”At that moment, when you acknowledge it, there’s a space. Just by the very act of acknowledging or being present enough, conscious enough, you’ll find that space—and in that space lies your ability to choose how you’re going to react.”[/blockquote]

We can choose to continue our story line, or – come back to the very center of our being. And, that my darlings – is the practice.

With all of its sharp, roughened edges – it is precisely within this space that we learn to stabilize our mind.

So, you see, even this momentary wobbliness serves a much greater purpose – that is, to support us in a return to our most open-hearted self.

And that, is certainly something worth celebrating – now, isn’t it?
Just like the bird first learning flight, it’s those subtle contractions that helps our spirit to soar.

The Magic of Our Inner-Child Mind.

[blockquote source=”Laurence Sterne”]”What a large volume of adventures may be grasped within the span of his little life by him who interests his heart in everything.” [/blockquote]

There’s an adorable little boy who lives just down the way – with the brightest of eyes, an inquisitive smile and questions to last for days.

He’s fearless on the side of mischievous, and with a battery that’ll never quit.

I’ve watched him dangle, and subsequently topple, from the tallest tree; follow an ant trail in his superman cape; and, stretch a worm till it ‘almost didn’t break.’

And, all, sigh…in one single day.

Even at just 3-years-old, I can already tell this little man is giving his parents a good ‘run for their money.’

Is there any wonder at all, why I absolutely adore him?

I’ve always believed curiosity to be the hallmark of genius. Though, these days, I’ve grown to understand it’s correlation to our own spiritual awakening. The two can not exist independent of one another.

Where there is curiosity, there is awareness – and where there is awareness, there is self-discovery.

[blockquote source=”Shunryu Suzuki”]“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s mind there are few.”[/blockquote]

So often we talk of ‘beginner’s mind’ – that insatiable need to know, to discover, to experience before the distractions of ‘thinking mind’ have settled in. Before expectation, before judgement, before prejudice – in the beginner’s mind we experience our whole world in a perpetual state of ‘just is.’

Can you just imagine? To have the experience of this life and this world, without losing yourself in the energy of the chatter?

Watch an infant, and you’ll see he or she will explore their world using all of the senses. They’ll taste, tug, touch…pull, tap, slam, bounce…all, simply to gain a better understanding.

And yet, we, with all the sophistication of our ‘thinking mind’ seem still to be sadly limited.

We become trapped inside our old habits, bogged down by these preconceived notions.

We know before we’ve even had a chance to discover. Oh, and that’s such a shame, now isn’t it? As, in doing so – we begin to lose the most vital aspect to our being:

That is, to be fully engaged in this breathtaking magnificence which surrounds us.

In that respect, perhaps this path to enlightenment…begins with a, “Daddy, why?”

 

Discovering Our Voice Within.

“She withdrew onto herself,
First writing just for one,
Then touching thousands.
She incarnated ghosts, hurt, and joy
Into paper-and-ink stories of wonder.” – Deng Ming Dao

I’ve been feeling a little out of sorts lately; with body and mind settling into the abyss of ‘just slightly out of sync.’ It’s a desperate feeling, really – particularly for a writer who prides herself on being so intimately connected with her feelings.

And, so very distressing when it occurs, as it represents a dichotomy of monstrous proportions:

To hold onto the energy of the struggle, to live deliberately within it – that we ultimately become more aware of our ‘edges’,

or,

To release it immediately, that we may begin to slowly know the liberation of our pain.

With each, there is a choice, a unique path which only the soul may traverse. On one side, there is instantaneous relief – albeit, deceptively fleeting;

While farther off, over dusted trails and precarious terrain – there is this glimmering hope of awakening, and, the growing ember of possibility which may someday carry us forward.

Ironically, the choice is never easy, is it? Inevitably, we must acknowledge our willingness to stay – to reside in the uncertainty of the ‘what may happen next?’

How foolish we are to think it must be all or nothing. When, in fact, there must be room enough for both to grow. As, it is only through their contrast that we gain depth to our vision. The sharpness of jagged rocks, in time will yield to softer sands – but, only by way of the crashing waves.

This is the nature of our being – through ‘tortured’ heart we may begin to learn the true capacity of our human soul.

Each day we are presented with the callousness of our limits – intended to test, and hopefully, strengthen our resolve. But the road ahead is often littered with the scattered castings of doubt, forged by the insecurities we’ve held all these years.

To find the balance between the two ~ between the desperation of unknowing, and the thrill of unguarded discovery ~ my darlings, that is to have truly lived.

For somewhere in this balance we find our most authentic self – buried beneath the ashes of the fire which always burns.

And so, on this day, it is with gratitude, not trepidation, that I embrace these uncertainties… knowing that the true gift is somewhere in that ‘in between.’

My darlings, I write because I must – as it’s through these ‘oft jumbled words that I have discovered my voice within.