Tag: Shenpa

The Choice that Begins with You.

When I was a little girl, my mother forced me to wear a woolen winter coat.

She had convinced herself, you see, that with the slightest shifting of breeze, her little one would freeze directly into a human Popsicle.

My mother was just this way; protective beyond all measure of the word, and with a love to reach the ends of this earth.

Oh, but how I hated that dreadful coat.

It was itchy and stiff and restricted all movement. Not to mention, it attracted snow like the tail end of a Coton De Tulear.

And, though – I’d feign initial compliance; rest assured – just as soon as my little boots would fade from view – I’d find a way to slip out of that winter ‘straight jacket.’

I think old habits can sometimes feel this way – uncomfortable and stiff – like an old winter coat, threatening to steal away our joy.

Our tendency is to pull away – to back away from the intensity of the emotion. We try to fix, to modify, to improve…and yet, in adding ‘more’ we end up with ‘less.’

And, just why do you think that is?

The Buddha taught that we should remain open and joyful irrespective of our circumstances. To avoid the old behaviors which only serve to reinforce that pain.

But, stuff a willful wee-wanderer into an ‘old winter coat’ – and well, just sit back and see what happens.

“Have you ever had an itch and not scratched it?” asks beloved Buddhist nun, Pema Chödrön. “In the Buddhist tradition, this points to a vast paradox: that by refraining from our urge to scratch, great peace and happiness is available.”

It’s hard to imagine, though, isn’t it? That by sticking it through for just a short while longer, we might actually realize a greater sense of peace.

Sometimes, I think we get ‘stuck’ on those short-term solutions. We don’t have the time, the patience, or the wherewithal – to disentangle ourselves from old habits.

We want to feel better, quickly.

And so, we succumb to those same old, tired habits. As soon as we feel the itch, we scratch.

“There was a story that was widely circulated a few days after the attacks of September 11, 2001, that illustrates our dilemma. A Native American grandfather was speaking to his grandson about violence and cruelty in the world and how it comes about. He said it was as if two wolves were fighting in his heart. One wolf was vengeful and angry, and the other wolf was understanding and kind. The young man asked his grandfather which wolf would win the fight in his heart. And the grandfather answered, ‘The one that wins will be the one I choose to feed.'”

Indeed, the habit which wins is the one we choose to feed. And, it begins by placing a little ‘pause’ in between – in between our ‘right now’ emotional reaction, and that potential for inner-peace.

“This choice” offers Ani Pema “and the attitudes and actions that follow from it, are like a medicine that has the potential to cure all suffering.”

And, did you know – my dearest darlings…that this choice, it begins with you.

The Mosquito in the Room.

[blockquote source=”Pema Chodron”]”It isn’t the things that are happening to us that cause us to suffer, it’s what we say to ourselves about the things that are happening. That’s where the suffering comes from.[/blockquote]

I was feeling rather distressed the other day. A matter at work had bubbled over, and in the process, completely usurped my overall sense of well-being.

I was angered by the prejudice of the situation, and hurt by the unfair choices which were subsequently made.

People are always a little put off in learning of my upset. My nature is generally one of calm demeanor, however, every once in a while…something triggers me.

It’s a wretched feeling, isn’t it? To be nearly ‘swallowed whole’ by the uncertainty of these chest-tightening circumstances?

And, it can happen at any given moment, too – someone criticizes you, or they disagree with what you have to say. How does it feel? And, more importantly, what is your response?

For many of us, these situations evoke a terribly uncomfortable feeling. Our instinct, is to deflect..to defend..to force distance between…but, it never really goes away until we’ve had our moment to sit with it.

There is a Tibetan word to describe this impulse – ‘shenpa’ – which, loosely translated means ‘hooked.’ It’s intended to describe our tendency to shut down just as we’re being triggered, to go no further into that which we very much need to explore.

Shenpa has a ‘stickiness’ about it.  Like the gum at the bottom of our ‘spiritual shoe’, it is undeniably present within our every step.

Shhttck…shhttck…shhttck….

Isn’t it amazing how one minor annoyance can build to such an overwhelming rage? Shenpa is the proverbial mosquito in the room – incessant in its attempts to pull us farther from self.

And, we will go to any lengths to relieve our discomfort. But, the relief is generally short-lived – as, we fall back into those very same habits that caused our suffering in the first place.

In his book “The Myth Of Freedom”, Tibetan teacher, Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche makes a clear delineation between pain and suffering.

“We all experience negativity-the basic aggression of wanting things to be different than they are. We cling, we defend, we attack, and throughout there is a sense of one’s own wretchedness, and so we blame the world for our pain. This is negativity. We experience it as terribly unpleasant, foul-smelling, something we want to get rid of.

But if we look into it more deeply, it has a very juicy smell and is very much alive. Negativity is not bad per se, but something living and precise, connected with reality.”

In other words, all emotions, including negativity – can become our most powerful tool. And, within each feeling – a potentially invaluable lesson.

[blockquote source=”Pema Chödrön'”]”What we really need to do is address things just as they are. Learning to recognize shenpa teaches us the meaning of not being attached to this world.”[/blockquote]

It’s when we learn to stay with our own adversity – to not be so quick to run away, that we finally begin to grow.