Tag: love

What We Allow.

When I first became ill, I worried about the impact to others. Specifically, those closest to me – how might their lives be changed?

Doctor visit after doctor visit offered little, if any, insight. I was constantly falling over, grabbing walls for balance – waiting for the dizziness to subside. My heart rate plunged to dangerously low levels further exacerbating an already unsteady base. In time, constant and severe pain coursed throughout my body. In its wake, a stiffness that became my iron cage.

Initially, I was diagnosed with ‘severe dysautonomia’ – a broad term used to describe a failure of the autonomic nervous system.
Though when my tremors were finally noted, they realized it was something more. “I think you have Parkinson’s,” he said, laying his hand upon mine.

I don’t know how I made it home, driving through such tear-filled eyes. Looking back, it’s still a massive blur. I was angry, upset – and terribly fearful.

I’d always been that ‘friend out front’ – the one to be relied on no matter how grave the circumstance. I spent many long nights tending to their wounds.

But, now?

How could I possibly become their burden?

And, so I withdrew. At first, a few days to help reconcile my thoughts. But then those days turned weeks, and those weeks to months. I went to every single office visit, surgical procedure and test on my own. The weight was heavy, though it was mine to bare.

It wasn’t until a dear friend pulled me aside to say, “I get to decide how I love you.”

Though mine was a unique experience, there is commonality to all. Because each of us at some point in our lives has made this very decision on behalf of another. In the struggle to understand the complexity of these new emotions, we cower and slink away. Though, perhaps worst of all – we pin our ‘unworthiness’ onto the heart of another.

Alan Cohen once wrote that those who love us are never fooled by the ‘mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself.’ Rather, they are further emboldened; driven by the image of our wholeness even in our most broken form. They want to help, they want to be of service.

More so,

They want to experience the joy in knowing they’ve lessened our pain.

So you see, the question isn’t so much ‘how could we burden’ but rather, ‘how could we dare to steal their joy away.’

In this new light, we find acceptance. And the once ‘so very big’, becomes our resolve.

Remember, we get what we give -but also, what we allow.

In peace…

Namaste ❤

This Blessing of Heart.

There’s a prayer rug hanging against the wall of an old stone church near my home. It was a gift to the parishioners following their pilgrimage to the Middle East; a mission dedicated to the prospect of rebuilding villages in the aftermath of the bombings.

They were guided by faith, fueled by the glowing embers of empathy and compassion. Nothing could dissuade the focus of their divine purpose.

However, when they first arrived, the destruction was certainly overwhelming. Piles of dust, glass and rubble occupying the space where houses, churches and schools once stood.

At first, the damage seemed far too extensive for the efforts of so few hands. How could they possibly restore the image of ‘once was’ from that which lay before them today?

However, bit by bit, the village was restored – as was the faith of those within.

The rug was pulled from the debris of the village temple, and soon after gifted to those who served.

And now, it serves as a reminder that no task is ever too great for those with sufficient heart.

In peace, my loves…

Namaste ❤

The Benefit of Love’s Illumination.

There’s a message written upon the mirror in my bedroom, “Love until you become one with love.”

I placed it there nearly 4 years ago in a moment of heartbreak and profound disillusion. Looking back, I must say – I can’t even recall the true nature of my circumstances. Nonetheless, the words flowed.

Some might say this was a moment of divine clarity, though – I’d like to think the message was there all along.

“Love until you become one with love…”

Each of us wants to be loved, though – have we the courage to effect its ‘return’?

When the heart is open like the sky, love comes so easily. Yet, beyond the boundaries of belief and trust, uncertainty begs its intrusion – often keeping us from love’s greatest bounty.

Though when we become ‘one with love’, as Jack Kornfield describes – the sunlight of heavens pierce through all veils,
‘illuminating everyday forms like a Michelangelo masterpiece.’

In this way, the boundaries to love are similarly paled.

A little something to consider, my friends…

In peace…

Namaste ❤

That Which We Believe.

Our life on this earth is often ‘wrought with trouble’ – or, at least that’s what they’d like you to believe.

Though I’d contend its an exercise of faith; a contemplation of presence against the promise of tomorrow.

As the light breaks, we shift to shield our eyes forgetting our fortitude within this aspect of unknowing. Have we not yet learned the capacity of this paradigm?

Even the ambient warmth may sting the unwilling eye.

Though our instinct is to hold fast, to cling to the tangled mess of this safety net.

And, yet – in our letting go we become….

Truly limitless.

In peace, my loves…

Namaste ❤

This Extension of Light.

They say we must praise those who labor this journey; that they, alone, have enriched our view.

And, serving to affirm our purpose; to align our hearts to greater good.

Yet, still – we curse their errant stumble; and to the benefit of whom?

Can you not yet see? That the application of our humanity extends through the supple grace of tempered hand.

For, even in darkness our light attends.

In peace, my loves…

Namaste ❤

These Comforts of Soul.

I watched a small pack of puppies playing inside a fenced yard the other day. The morning was still somewhat overcast; the evening rain having left its mark in pockets of icy-cold discouragement.

Yet, nothing could dissuade their course; nor, quell the ‘symphony’ of their amusements.

Over and back they raced, through the patched fields of elderberry and clover. Stopping only to admire the workings of a clockwise turning mechanical rooster perched 15 feet from ground.

And when the heftiest of ample-bellied n’er do wells splashed there were no admonishments of his ‘social blunder’. Instead only the yip-yap yammerings of their encouragement. And, delivering their warning:

“Turn away, turn away!! Adventures not for feint of heart!!”

Oh, to know the courage effected through fattened pads – and the ease by which they greet their day.

And, who are we to judge their play? How arrogant, we humans, to consider luxury a better measure of peace.

Than that of a snoozing pup; their dreams, now a mirror yielding the greater comforts of soul.

Namaste ❤

The Habit of Our Wounds.

There’s a pain that may, at times, descend upon us; one so great that it threatens to steal our very soul. And leaving in its wake the unmistakable habit of our wounds.

Do we fear the deafening silence of this passing storm? Or, do we fear the magnitude of our own humbled grace? The scattered litterings of lessons past now marking the once pristine shore.

Through the breaking clouds, a single patch of sun revealing the efforts of an unimpeded joy. Are we made bolder through such courtesy? Our essence – more profound?

Or, are we simply encouraged? These castings of self serving the confluence of ‘one’? And through their efficacy – ultimately, made whole.

In peace…

Namaste ❤

To Alex, Love Tara.

My Mother used to say, “What you do, comes back to you.” Never before had I placed such effort into the integrity of this practice than before birthdays and any other gift-giving holiday.

Initially, I thought she might have been speaking in some sort of ‘parental code’. At just six years old, I was interested in the advancement my spiritual practice. I wanted the Strawberry Shortcake scented doll and the Bonnie Bell lip glosses in cherry cola red.

And when the holidays came and went, I thought to myself – “Well, isn’t this just great? All this effort and ZERO reward.”

In fairness, perhaps at such a young age I wasn’t yet ready to explore a circle of knowledge beyond the reach of my two tiny hands. Like most children, I thought in terms of playthings and toys; pop-up-books with levers to pull, cartoons on Saturday morning and my favorite stuffed doll.

Until one morning when my Mother sat me down, “I have some terrible news,” she said. My best friend Alex had died.

He had been struck down by a car just outside the fields where we once played. Though the driver swerved, it wasn’t it time. Alex died on the gravelled stones of an old country road.

“Ok,” I said. No one I’d known had ever died. I didn’t know what to say or, worse yet, how to act. He was gone, that’s all knew – he wasn’t coming back.

And so, I did the only thing that felt ‘right’ to do – I hopped off the bench, ran into the woods and cried.

“We could play adventure,” he grinned wiping the caked dirt and sweat from his brow. But I didn’t go, because it was hot outside and my ‘things’ were at home.

They were very last words we shared with one another.

I remember running until my legs buckled with pain. And, when I stopped I remember thinking – “this is all because of me.”

It took many years before I stopped running through the wild scenarios – racing in last minute to snatch him from the path of such an untimely death. If only I had said ‘yes’, might he still be here today?

One day as I was waking, I pictured him skipping rocks by the stream. That’s when I realized, how very much his passing had become part of my world.

Everything I had ever done or said; the choices I had made. Even our musings shared here each day, all now invariably connected.

In that moment, my sense of smallness lifted; the barriers once firmly wedged now nearly translucent in appearance. I no longer felt the burden of me or mine.

The world before me just simply was – and, I was a smaller of that. No more, no less. Just as you, just as Alex and each of the ‘adventures’ we shared.

In peace, my friends…

Namaste ❤

Our Collective Human Concern.

I’ve noticed recently a shifting of paradigm; that which once divided is beginning to right its course.

For in the midst of this now grave human crisis, one things stands undeterred – our ability to empathize with those in need.

Irrespective of our political leanings or the caveats of our social circumstance, the heart always retains its capacity to remain open.

When our eyes are visited with the suffering of another, we feel its expanse as the awareness once locked within self suddenly shifts. In this moment, the boundaries of our existence transition and our understanding of ‘I’ begins to grow.

Some may argue that we survive only through ruthless posturing and the actions which place us in a superior position. Though, I would contend the contrary to be true.

I believe the heart craves human connection. Even with all its messiness and complexity, that connection is imperative to the continuance of life on this plane of existence.

Because a heart absent emotion can not thrive; and a spirit absent service will surely die.

Ram Dass once wrote that love is a tall order for those oppressed by dark shadows. Having said that, how else might we effect a more kind and loving society if we are unwilling to tackle this darkness in others?

I believe there to be just one answer – we can’t. Though, what do you think my loves?

In peace…

Namaste ❤

That Which We Share.

Mother Teresa once reminded of the capacity of a true and giving love; sharing that we mustn’t mistake this gift of heart as a ‘single drop’ and nothing more.

Though humanity’s waters are vast, they are not without cause. Even that which seems insignificant by comparison, we must trust serves a greater bond.

“We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But if that drop was not there, I think the ocean would be less in missing it…”

The truth is that we never really know how a single act may impact the whole. I myself could recount a hundred stories born on the wings of kindness and gratitude.

Because…

What we give inevitably returns to us albeit in different form.

Someone once asked me why I ‘bother to write’. “If not for you, then who?” he mocked, hoping to dissuade the action from its intention.

“I write for everyone,” I answered simply in return, “and, such that no one should ever question whether or not they are loved.”

What we give is of impact, I promise you, my loves. And, that which we share – of infinite value.

In peace…

Namaste ❤