Tag: Loss

When Loss Makes Us Better.

I remember the night my father died, a panicked rush of past-midnight calls and crying pleas for me to rush home.

Even under the best of circumstances, there would have been no way for me to make it to his bedside. Instead, I sat alone – head in hands and cried.

As children, the image we hold of our parents is an indomitable one. We view them as our comfort and security; a kiss to the forehead melting our troubles of day. But as we grow older, our roles somewhat change – we go to school, we take a job, we marry and move away.

Though inevitably, our view remains the same.

It’s difficult for a child to realize the vulnerabilities of their parents. We don’t want to relinquish that sense of always being protected; for many, we are terrified of being alone.

The image I held of my father was that of a warrior; a veteran of the Second World War, surviving the most terrifying of major battle campaigns – Normandy, Northern Africa and the Battle of the Bulge. His unit suffered catastrophic loss, counting just six from an original several hundred men.

When the news of the Nazi work camps finally surfaced, many couldn’t believe the reports. In their mind, they held an image of humanity – of compassion, of kindness, of good will towards all men. It wasn’t until they were faced with the atrocities directly that they finally understood the criticality and magnitude.

Freedom and honor were extremely important to my father. And, his life – a continuous reflection of adversity and rising above. Even when faced with imminent death, his last words to me – “Take care of your Mother and don’t worry about nothin’”

I miss my Father terribly. Not only was he my parent and teacher, but he was also my dear friend. In the weeks following his death, I felt a sadness unlike any I’d ever felt before – as if I were missing the better part of my own self.

In time, that grief became the source of my compassion. From that moment forward, I couldn’t help but to see another’s tragic loss.

We are all broken, each of us. And, each of us has lost something so incredibly dear. Yet, life goes on. And with it, our choice – to engage a legacy that was so graciously gifted.

We’re not just born, we become – and in this way, we are made better through this process of unfolding.

In peace…

Namaste ❤️

To What Shall I Liken the World

A summer storm moved through the area yesterday, tearing the newly formed lilac blossoms from security of their limb.

At first, I was angry at such a loss to the garden. The fence, once replete with the lilac’s treasure – now barren. I worried for the hummingbird who seemed quite transfixed by her imminent metamorphosis.

Could she find joy without them?

As if on cue, she flew past the fence – and, never looking back, paused at petals of an English Rose. I smiled realizing her courage and the resilience carried by such tiny wings.

It reminded me of a passage from Dōgen Zenji. With your permission, I’d like to share it with you here today.

“To what shall
I liken the world?
Moonlight, reflected
In dewdrops,
Shaken from a crane’s bill.”

Impermanence is the cornerstone to the Buddha’s teachings; everything that is, can not be grasped. When we understand the truth in this fundamental simplicity – only then, can we finally know peace.

In this way, all of life becomes the garden’s ‘everlasting’.

In peace, my sweet friends..

Namaste ❤

A Heart Opened to Grace.

An old friend came to visit me once many years ago. He’d always been such a pillar of strength – centered, calm and seemingly self-assured. But on this day, his eyes – once warm – appeared vacant, at best.

“She left with the kids,” he said. “I came home from work and everything was gone.”

It was as if the life he had always known – the comfort and pace of his daily routine – had been suddenly displaced. And, now he felt lost.

The routine of our lives is a comfortable friend; we sleep, we wake – we greet each day never without the peace of its endurance.

And when that routine is broken, we feel the overwhelming vastness of its void. We fear our capacity to venture through ‘alone’. In time, we may question our very purpose and reason.

But he is never alone who opens his heart to grace; for that which seems lost is a new hope venturing inward.

In peace…

Namaste ❤️

The Loveliness of Loss.

The pain in losing someone never really goes away – it simply becomes more familiar. The emotions associated, their physical manifestation – in time, become less foreign. And, those bonds which first threatened to imprison our heart become known as the inseparable within us.

Just as joy is found within each transformation of leaf – from robust gold, to the richest of green; a fiery pitch upon strengthened limb. So, too, are we revealed.

And, all that is beautiful finds its way home.

In peace, my loves..,

Namaste ❤️