Tag: letting go

How to Comfort Our Pain.

Someone posted recently to my timeline that love and despair were mutually exclusive; that they could not exist within the same space and time – as one caused pleasure and the other furthered our pain.

At face value, we assume this to be true. And, yet – though they are unique, there is a commonality between…as each invokes a compassionate release.

As a new mother, I would rush to comfort my crying son. I’d hold him tightly into the wee hours of morning, rocking gently and secretly pleading for it to end. Until one day when an old woman counseled me, “Let him cry, dear. This is his way of allowing the energy to dissipate.”

When I first committed to this spiritual path, I – like so many others – read books, practiced meditation and attended an unprecedented amount of lectures all in the hopes of releasing my pain. I learned the techniques, yet failed to reason.

I assumed that mindfulness required a lessening of reaction. While certainly a benefit of the longer-term haul, no amount of lecturing can ever obviate the necessity of release.

To feel pain, does not preclude our ability to feel and respond to love. Rather, together they help to deepen our awareness.

“I feel pain” is often a catalyst for pulling away. Something hurts, we wish it to end – quickly and by any means possible.

Racing to comfort my infant son was a natural and rightful reaction – though, my motivation then wasn’t clear. In my naïveté I assumed that in stopping his crying, the pain would go away. But, that’s not often the case. Isn’t it better to allow the energy to settle? That the comfort extended should serve as a benefit to this process?

Someone once shared with me that we should respond to our own pain as a ‘mother comforting her little one’ – with patience, willingness and a boundless compassion.

Yes, there is pain – but there is also love. As one recedes, a gentle nurturing effects its growth.

And, in the end, we are made whole.

As Jack Kornfield writes, “You hold in your hand an invitation: to remember the transforming power of forgiveness and loving kindness. To remember that no matter where you are and what you face, within your heart peace is possible.”

In peace, my sweet friends…

Namaste ❤️

When Our World Becomes New.

“This is my pain,” he shouted fighting back his tears. It had been a long day, and the tempers were already worn. “I decide when it’s time to let go,” he said. “Not one minute before.”

His mother lay motionless in the hospital bed next to him. Though she had fought valiantly, it was no match for the cancer which had ravaged her already weakened frame.

“It’s time,” his father said to him. “We have to say goodbye.”

Yet, there was still so much left to be said.

He was angry for her earlier mistreatments, abandoning the family in pursuit of a ‘better life.’ He wanted answers; he wanted to know. Though, more so – he wanted her to feel his pain inside.

And so, he held on – for a very long time; even after his mother had died.

“There are two kinds of suffering,” teacher Ajahn Chah once shared. “There is the suffering you run away from, which follows you everywhere. And there is the suffering you face directly, and in doing so become free.”

Though the subtleties are not often clear. Particularly, as the mind struggles to understand the implications of our past burdens and fear. Our heart aches for closure and resolve, yet – our actions speak to another will. We pray for release just as we tighten our grip.

Though, ultimately one question remains: do we run or do we hold near?

Knowing freedom and joy are possible within any given moment helps to empower our decision. And, faith is what helps us to find our way through.

For my friend, the initial pain of losing his mother was nothing compared to the suffering created in the weeks to follow. Like most of us, he viewed his pain as ‘separate’ from self; something much greater than his ability to manage.

We feel victimized by these external actions. Though, in reality – the source and the symptom are always the same. We alone decide our response to the pain. And we alone determine our path.

In letting go, my sweet friends – our world becomes new

A little something to consider, my friends…

In peace…

Namaste ❤

This Unfolding of Story.

Wherever you are is the entry, my loves; the basis and catalyst for all new beginnings.

The fullness of which may never be known, were it not for the bearing of weight upon step.

In our leaning in, we are letting go; allowing the transference of light upon shadows.

Time passes swiftly leaving only impressions behind; our pages shifting surely to reveal choice’s unfolding.

We are, at best, only partly known. Our legacy, comprised of action; and our story? Our purpose.

In peace…

Namaste ❤️

The Lesson of Arrow.

An archer readies his aim to a clay vessel, shooting effortlessly – his confidence of skill, unwavering.

But, when the cask is switched to gold – he suddenly loses assurance; his hands trembling within the light of such a glorious metal.

Nothing changes save for his perception of these external factors, and his belief that he may thrive in spite of their influence.

We want, always, to feel ‘in control’ of our surroundings – to lessen the influence and impact of fear. When the ground is firm, our heart may rest. Though sometimes ‘sure-footed’ can prove a false center of reference. For it only when we lose ourselves that we may finally gain perspective.

It’s not the steadiness of hand which decides our fate. Rather, it’s the arrow’s flight through air which proves our purpose.

In peace…

Namaste ❤️

As We Believe.

I remember having a conversation once with a young, many years ago.

He’s been wrongly accused of a crime he had not committed, spending much of his youth behind bars.

“Five long years,” he said, his voice trailing into resignation. “But the worst part is the stigma; that never goes away.”

We sat for hours as he recounted the many incidences of ‘having to prove one’s worth’ — job interviews, college entrance examinations, and even a failed relationship or two.

“I carried a burden that was never mine,” he said. “Until I realized, that I was a victim of my own holding on.”

There’s something that occurs when we feel misjudged or wounded. Immediately we’re faced with a whole plethora of emotion, the deepest of which is our need to be heard.

It occurred to me that the majority of conflict in our lives are predicated on this single source – “I am here. Please see me; know me for who I am.”

So much so, that we become trapped in the discursiveness of dialogue, rather than opening to the truth as it has always been.

We become victims of our own holding on.

It’s only when we realize that our existence extends far beyond the limitations of word that we are finally able to enjoy this freedom within.

In peace, my loves…

Namaste ❤️

As We Let Go.

What does it mean to ‘expect nothing’, my loves? Is it merely intention with purpose to enrich, or – is it so very much more than this?

To expect nothing is, by far, one of the most profound of Buddhist teachings – and yet, difficult at times to fully ascertain.

We believe it simply to be a matter of choice, a mindset that illuminates our path. But, more so, it illustrates our transcendence from that which disrupts our inner peace.

Imagine yourself sitting across from someone who has wronged you. How does it feel? What are you thinking?

It’s human nature to tend to our ‘wounds’, yet how do we engage our healing? By harboring the moment deeply within, or taking steps to minimize the pain?

Moving past means moving through. We must take create both the time and conditions by which we may begin to heal.

And that requires a letting go of all attachment.

The pride, the ego, the upset, the pain; the wondering why ‘he never called back’ or the belief that they ‘should never have wronged me.’

All of that, my darlings and so much more — we must learn to leave our burdens ‘at the door.’

To expect nothing is to allow all of these blessings of life to enter our soul, unimpeded.

A little something to consider, my loves ~ isn’t it time to let this pain go?

In peace…

Namaste ❤️

Life Between Two Rocks.

Fear is such a debilitating habit. On one hand, it keeps us tethered to past – mired in the regret of circumstance.

Though, on the other, we sit paralyzed by the unknown – incapable of ever moving forward.

And yet, when we take a moment to truly reflect we see that these fears are merely fabrications of mind.

It reminded me of a time when I was a much younger girl, with feet balanced precariously upon shifting rock. I’d wanted so desperately to move past the stream’s rushing waters – though, that moment of imbalance brought my awareness immediately to present.

In that moment, I could feel the slickened moss beneath my feet, and the water’s misting against my cheek. I could smell the ‘heaviness’ of dampened wood, and the willfulness of stream to keep me ‘here’.

In fact…

Were it not for that horrifying misstep, I wonder if I’d ever really ‘known’ the trees?

In his book, “Fear: Essential Wisdom for Getting Through the Storm”, Thich Nhat Hanh writes,

“Fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. If we can acknowledge our fear, we can realize that right now we are okay. Right now, today, we are still alive, and our bodies are working marvelously. Our eyes can still see the beautiful sky. Our ears can still hear the voices of our loved ones.”

My darlings, this moment offers such infinite possibilities, serving as an invitation to the limitlessness of heart. But, we must be willing to balance precariously between those rocks in order to appreciate the fullness of being.

And in that space, we connect with the truest glory – that of finally knowing the capacity of our own human spirit.

Letting go provides an immeasurable freedom, yes…oh, but so much more…

Letting go grants us the exquisite
permission to be.

Just as we are…

In peace, my loves…

Namaste ❤️

A Little Something About That ‘Mud’.

I wish I could remember who it was that said, “the beginning of faith, of courage and love – is the willingness to let go of perfection.”

Think about that, if you will – that emphasis we place on ‘fitting the bill’ when the heart may so desperately urge us otherwise.

We want to fit in, to be acknowledged – to please. But, at what cost do we effect such a trade?

There’s so much energy exhausted in our struggle. With tear-stained cheeks we try-try-try, once again – until we ultimately become lost in the paradigm of wanting to be recognized for something we are not.

And, that’s a dangerous game, my friends – to measure ourselves by an external standard, one which never once accounts for ‘heart.’

We are so much more than a self-imposed standard, my loves. And, honestly – the very best of who we are is truly immeasurable.

Likewise, when we let go of ‘perfection’ we make room for it all.

A Little Something About “Making Room.”

I  was thinking this morning of a story once shared to me.

I’d been having a difficult go of things, reaching a point of ‘my whole world tumbling inward.’

Have you ever noticed just how easily thoughts scale in proportion to our inner narrative? When something as small as a bonk to the head can suddenly become so overwhelmingly BIG?

In an instant, we are triggered – caught in that desperate struggle between holding on and letting go.

We fear the heaviness of failure. Our upbringing guides us away from that which might be perceived as weakness. Though, time and time again we’re shown that sometimes ‘breaking down’ is the only way the heart may finally let go.

I’d been trying to come home for a visit; scraping together what little money I could to afford the long plane ride home. But, life as it seems had other plans – as a storm raged far off into the distance.

With every thunder clap, my heart sank a bit – knowing, that I’d be stuck right here inside this awful airport terminal. At least until the storms had safely passed.

Meanwhile, everyone else would be at home.

It was that proverbial last straw. And, oh my goodness – how I wept. As if anything that had ever gone wrong before, was directly the fault of this storm.

“It’s ok to cry,” he said to me. The years had worn their patterns in deep grooves upon his face; and by the looks of things, this gentle soul had smiled through each and every bit of it.

He told me a story, “That time in Normandy” he said, as his voice trailed off into reflection.

His unit had been tasked to take the beach, a strategic turning point during WWII.

The water was strewn with the bodies of those who had arrived just moments before him, “Good men,” he offered with tears in his eyes “just babies, some of them.”

As the landing crafted jetted over the waves, he felt a fear rising in his chest, as the tightness gripped. It was then that he realized – he didn’t know how to swim.

Overwhelmed, he broke down. To the back of the craft, and off to the left, he saw his sergeant with furrowed brow peering down at him. “That’s it, I’m done.” he thought – and for a moment, he believed.

He assumed he would be criticized for his weakness, though – instead the sergeant leaned forward to say,

“Let it out now, soldier. Carry only what you need.”

In that moment, he said, he finally let it all go – making room for that which was so desperately needed.

Faith and hope.

And though, I’m sure there were a million other factors at hand – he claimed this to be the only reason he made it through.

“I realized my hearts was only so big,” he smiled. “And fear was taking up far too much room.”

Last night, was one of those bigger moments for me – as the physical pain from this disease left room enough for doubt to nudge its way in.

But I remembered this kind soul’s words, and because of him – I it through.

As we move through this life, it may be tempting to hold onto all those bits and pieces that do not serve us well. Though, in doing so – we lose such precious space, and the energy of that which is so needed most of all.

So, let it all go, my darlings. Carry only what is needed. Make room for faith and hope.

Whether for the kindness of strangers, or the love of one humbled heart so many miles away – know that you are not ever alone.

And, no matter what social etiquette might try to define – know this: it’s okay to fuss, and, it’s okay to cry.

My darlings, yesterday was a physically challenging day, it’s true. But, because of you – I made it through.

And, I’m so awfully glad I ‘made room.’

Namaste.

Letting Go of That Which Impedes.

My darlings, have you ever known the energy of feeling angry, upset, or unsettled?

That is to say – the physical aspect of these core emotions as they directly manifest within our spirit.

Do your shoulders ache beneath the angst; is there a sense of upset within your belly pit. Does worry keep you far into the night; and fear freeze you to that ‘safety net’?

My darlings, how do these emotions make you FEEL?

Now, take a moment to ask yourself – just what is it that is keeping you here?

So, let it go, and let it be my darlings – and, let the spaciousness of nothingness fill its place.

Embrace this day, loves ~ as, it’ll never find its way here again.

Namaste