Tag: fear

Which Do You Choose?

Maha Ghosananda asks, “If we cannot be happy in spite of our difficulties, what good is our spiritual practice?”

At face value, it’s a very simple question – yet one in which demands thoughtful introspection. Indeed, what good is happiness if not sustained? Simply put, it is incomplete.

Instead, we must look to this world with a ‘beginner’s mind’s – absent the burden of judgement and fear. In this, we begin to realize the delicacies of this new paradigm – that we must abandon the old, to gain the fullness of new. We can either ‘become lost in a smaller state of consciousness,’ Jack Kornfield writes, or we can look to those struggles as an opportunity to become whole – to lend vital meaning to this journey.

And, in the end, the only question remaining  – my friends, which do you choose?

In peace, my sweet friends…

Namaste ❣

The Habit of Our Fear.

This past week I found myself uncustomarily distressed. I’d been caring for a loved one, now critically ill – my mind, body and heart frayed from the undercurrent of cascading emotion. Though the room was carefully appointed, it was not enough to keep the spirit’s rest.

The dimmed lights were intended to obscure the droning whir of medical machinery, though for me it only served to amplify that which was already there – a fear.

Was it a fear of loss or a fear of losing control?

So much of our suffering, both individually and as a society, is caused by fear. Our mind spins as we desperately attempt to fill the gap; the boundary between often too blurred to bear.

When I first began my practice, I thought the ‘goal’ was to reduce and ultimately eliminate my pain. Though as I stand here alone now with the benefit of my years, I realize – we fear only what we don’t understand.

Fear is a very tricky thing, it steals our awareness as it attempts to engage. And lurking within it’s shadows, the habit of our panic.

We want what is needed, but when finally shared? Our inclination is to flee. Why do we permit such a spinning of mind? When a simple change of narrative might vastly improve our capacity to ‘tend the wound’.

There are so many phases in our spiritual journey, but knowing where to begin – where fear begins – is not only the goal, but also the bounty.

In peace, my sweet friends…

Namaste ❣️

What We Do With Fear.

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the challenges facing us each day.

On a global scale, we stand as witness to humanity’s consumption; the ravages of war, poverty and political injustice taking no rest.

While locally our communities erupt with dysfunction, as we long for the simplicity of ‘better days.’

So much of our society is suffering. At times, we feel more connected to fear than than we do our own neighbors. And yet, as the world cries out for an impassioned response – we bolt the door, feeling powerless to help.

This undercurrent of fear lurks within each of our daily habits. Whether we freeze or panic, we can not escape it’s crushing weight. And if we linger in those thoughts, we lose our potential – becoming a prisoner of mind’s own making.

One of my favorite Buddhist stories is that of the Zen master and the samurai warrior. For years, the samurai reigned – terrorizing all within his path. Until the final village, where the Zen master sat.

“You fool! Don’t you know who I am,” he hissed. “I’m the sort who could slice you in two without so much as batting an eye.”

To which the master replied, “And I, sir, am the sort who could be sliced in two without so much as batting an eye.”

We could argue for hours over the intent of the story. Perhaps he was at peace knowing the true veil of our human existence – that life and death were merely aspects of our continuation? Or, maybe he realized there was nothing to be done. And with this, bowed his head in gentle reverence.

Fear demands our attention and forces our introspection. What we discover is ours alone. For some, there exists a vicious denial – a pushing away of truth as we know it.

While others, like the master, accept its presence with a humbled gratitude – knowing truth is the only path to our heart’s awakening.

A little something to consider, my sweet friends…

In peace,

Namaste ❤️

That Which We Will.

Just out of high school, I agreed to run a great race; through the mountains of Kunia – a half marathon – in support of a local charity.

Though, truth be told, I can’t imagine what compelled me. Thirteen miles? I’d never been further than one.

But, there I was – suddenly committed; and any joy in my service now displaced by a looming dread.

In the weeks leading up to the event, I began to train; I ate well, hydrated and got plenty of sleep. And yet, the road ahead seemed endless.

Finally, at the end of a long practice run – I broke down into tears. “That’s it – I give up; I quit!” I remember saying to a friend.

And, knowing my heart, she smiled and said, “How can you give up before the race has even started?”

At first, I was furious. Had she not just witnessed my efforts? The hours expended to secure a ‘noteworthy’ pace?

“You’ll never succeed where the heart is unwilling?” she said.

There are certain points in my life, where I can look back and say – that was a defining moment. For me, her words lifted an energy that had been self-created.

I started my journey with doubt and insecurity. I trained through the growing animosity. And when I took to the trail, I carried all of that with me.

Though, after our talk – that burden lifted. The next morning, I stretched my legs and began, once again. For the first time I was ‘there’ without expectation. The road opened before me, and I let my breath define my pace.

Sometimes, we can become so easily overwhelmed by the magnitude of our circumstances; so much so, that we ‘fail’ before we begin.

Or, worse yet – we refuse to begin.

Though, peace can only truly find us when our hearts are ‘open like the sky.’ I mean, in the end, isn’t it – that which we will?

A little something to consider, my friends – a morning musing over coffee.

In peace…

Namaste ❤️

What We Think, We Grow.

I remember once as a little girl following my brother into the woods. I wanted to be part of whatever it was he was doing – to travel deeper into the thickets and brush, to follow the creek wherever it led.

Looking back, I was simply curious – though, to him, I was an insatiable pest. Nonetheless, my mother would issue her warning, “take good care of your sister…”

Those words were the ‘plague’ of his being.

One day, in an attempt to finally secure his freedom – he grabbed a tool from my father’s workbench. Then dropping it to the ground, smashing it to bits – he looked me straight into the eyes and said, “If you ever follow me again, I’ll tell Dad you broke his stapler!”

Even though I knew it to be false, there was nothing I could do to prove my innocence.

For years, I lived with the fear of my father ‘finding out’ – until I moved away, and it didn’t matter quite so much.

Initially, I was angry with my brother for exploiting a trust that once came so easily. Though, he merely planted a seed – a single thought; the rest was up to me.

Instead of confronting the absurdity of his claims, I let it grow and grow and grow… Until the fear became so great that the mere mention would drive me to tears.

But our fears are only as great as we allow them to be. Yet, knowing this, still – we allow its continuance.

Why?

Because the story is more enticing than the reality of its passage.

In our story, we can transition the unknown into something more readily identifiable. Labels such as ‘failure’ and ‘victim’ – though terribly conflicting, still have an air of familiarity. And that familiarity can often feel ‘safer’ than our churning.

Likewise, perhaps the attachment represents our need to force closure; a means to alleviate the angst of our burden?

Though in the end, it’s up to us to determine – what is it that we hope to grow?

Focus your mind, love – you are ‘here’, the time is ‘now’ and that’s the best place to be.

In peace…

Namaste ❤

As We Are Revealed.

There’s an aspect of suffering, my loves – an unyielding, brazen closing in. Causing our skin to crawl with worry, an uncomfortability that knows no end.

In the midst of which, we might curse our circumstance; feeling a subjective unfairness beneath the weight of it all

Ram Dass once spoke of stretching our awareness; embracing it all such that we may become ‘more human.’ Though, there’s a fear which permeates our letting go, relinquishment proving the harder task.

Consciously, we may wish for a spiritual expansion – though, in standing at the edge our feet may freeze. In an instant, we become ‘victims’ of our own debilitating fear.

As Ram Dass teaches, becoming human involves both animal and the divine. It’s not always rose petals and silken thread. Though, the grittiness is where the true journey begins – revealing aspects of self perhaps previously discouraged.

We are empowered through a reciprocity of being; we find purpose through this continuous unfolding.

Just as the breaking of dawn expands the intricacies of day, so too…are we similarly revealed.

In peace, my loves…

Namaste ❤️

Loving What Remains.

I believe it was Ram Dass who once said that in order to know true freedom, we must never avert our eyes from our own humanity.

For, in looking to others, we recognize an aspect of self once presumed ‘healed’. We see our failings, and we see our glory; though, mostly we see what’s ‘real’.

We see the struggle of soul against an unrelenting fear.

We see our past transgressions in a growing wake of shame.

And, when our knees buckle under unbearable suffering – do we see our weakness, or our resilience?

Is there any wonder why most will look away? Too timid to face the story time has created.

But, that’s the good stuff – isn’t it? To embrace with equanimity all these aspects within?

For within each fear, our resilience grows. And, these tests of morality? A deepened compassion.

So easily inclined to coax the loss, though – what has been gained? Do we avert our eyes before seeing what remains?

For that which remains is always the ‘much greater still’; an understanding that we must break in order to be revealed.

In peace…

Namaste ❤️

The Practice of Fear.

I remember once many years ago being lost alone in the woods. I had ventured too far into spaces, unexplored – the depth of which might prove my undoing.

As the sun yielded warmth to the approaching cascade of night, I became suddenly aware – the fear of being ‘alone’ was far too great. I raced through with all my might; running was the only thing I knew to do.

At 8 years old, our instincts are still primal, and emotions flood, largely unimpeded. Is this the grace of youth? That we haven’t yet developed that voice of inner critic?

Had it happened in my 20’s, I would have cursed my ill-preparedness. In my 30’s, perhaps fate working against. And, in my 40’s I may have blamed this weakness of body failing to meet the rigors of day.

Fear takes on many aspects of story. Time and experience are no casual warrior – and, in the end we must face that which is unresolved;

Being, just as we once were and knew before.

We’re born whole, but along the way – something gets hidden. And we are challenged to walk this path on our own. Or, at least what we perceive to be ‘alone’.

But our separateness is, at best, illusion; a presumption of physicality in an ever-changing universe. In the same breath, that which threatens to destroy may prove a catalyst to adventure. In that moment, our unraveling reveals.

And the only question; ‘do we travel forward, or do we concede?’

Which will it be?

In peace…

Namaste ❤️

Navigating these Floodwaters of Fear.

My darlings, we are living in a profoundly difficult time. And, day by day we are reminded through the lens of the ‘unbiased media.’

We see images of violent unrest, a convergence of political rhetoric upon yet unhealed wounds. We claims to understand the struggle of neighbor, though – have we ever known the pain of a crippling hunger?

Within, we try to reconcile, to find the middle ground. But in order for reconciliation to be properly effected, it must be absent ‘the cause.’

Because, finding peace requires a settling of heart; a joining of spirit through unimpeded love.

To experience unity, we must first be whole. To bridge the divide, we must lean forward.

My darlings, it takes great compassion to weather these storms – for both ourselves and for others. We may feel overwhelmed by the rising current of fear, though always – the floodwaters yield opportunity for new growth. Seeds seemingly stripped from the branches, inevitably become the forest of tomorrow.

Just a little something to remember, my loves ~ we become who we are through a challenging of way.

In peace…and, happy holiday to all.

Namaste ❤️

This Spaciousness of Being.

I remember having a conversation once with a dear friend.

He was experiencing the angst of newly forged circumstance; a move, a marriage, a child on the way. Enough to unsettle the heart of even the most experienced of ‘zen masters’ — though, ironically he wasn’t quite sure what to do.

“I know my fears are unfounded,” he said. “Logically, I understand the impermanence of these emotions. So, why then do I feel so trapped?”

That’s the curiosity of fear, my loves. Whether grounded in the roots of our past experience or completely irrational – the energy of fear still feels the same.

Knowing this, then how should we respond?

As with everything, my loves – healing begins with compassion, and a willingness to allow ourselves the blessing of this experience.

People change, paths unfold and new horizons lay always ahead. And our is to recognize the space within.

“Our buddha nature,” writes Sogyal Rinpoche. “Then, has an active aspect, which is our ‘inner teacher.’ From the very moment we became obscured, this inner teacher has been working tirelessly for us, tirelessly trying to bring us back to the radiance and spaciousness of our true being.”

Perhaps that’s the key, my loves? A return to the vastness of our own unobstructed being.

You see, even amidst the buckling of knees — there is still this space…

A space for the spirit to be truly free.

A little something to consider, wouldn’t you agree?

In peace…

Namaste ❤️