Healing

To Alex, Love Tara.

My Mother used to say, “What you do, comes back to you.” Never before had I placed such effort into the integrity of this practice than before birthdays and any other gift-giving holiday.

Initially, I thought she might have been speaking in some sort of ‘parental code’. At just six years old, I was interested in the advancement my spiritual practice. I wanted the Strawberry Shortcake scented doll and the Bonnie Bell lip glosses in cherry cola red.

And when the holidays came and went, I thought to myself – “Well, isn’t this just great? All this effort and ZERO reward.”

In fairness, perhaps at such a young age I wasn’t yet ready to explore a circle of knowledge beyond the reach of my two tiny hands. Like most children, I thought in terms of playthings and toys; pop-up-books with levers to pull, cartoons on Saturday morning and my favorite stuffed doll.

Until one morning when my Mother sat me down, “I have some terrible news,” she said. My best friend Alex had died.

He had been struck down by a car just outside the fields where we once played. Though the driver swerved, it wasn’t it time. Alex died on the gravelled stones of an old country road.

“Ok,” I said. No one I’d known had ever died. I didn’t know what to say or, worse yet, how to act. He was gone, that’s all knew – he wasn’t coming back.

And so, I did the only thing that felt ‘right’ to do – I hopped off the bench, ran into the woods and cried.

“We could play adventure,” he grinned wiping the caked dirt and sweat from his brow. But I didn’t go, because it was hot outside and my ‘things’ were at home.

They were very last words we shared with one another.

I remember running until my legs buckled with pain. And, when I stopped I remember thinking – “this is all because of me.”

It took many years before I stopped running through the wild scenarios – racing in last minute to snatch him from the path of such an untimely death. If only I had said ‘yes’, might he still be here today?

One day as I was waking, I pictured him skipping rocks by the stream. That’s when I realized, how very much his passing had become part of my world.

Everything I had ever done or said; the choices I had made. Even our musings shared here each day, all now invariably connected.

In that moment, my sense of smallness lifted; the barriers once firmly wedged now nearly translucent in appearance. I no longer felt the burden of me or mine.

The world before me just simply was – and, I was a smaller of that. No more, no less. Just as you, just as Alex and each of the ‘adventures’ we shared.

In peace, my friends…

Namaste ❤

A Flower in Winter.

There’s a flower standing alone against the stone garden wall. In spite of winter’s imminent ‘bite’, she continues to remain.

So proud of all that she is – though, more so, of what she has yet to become.

It matters, not – what might be or has passed. Rather, simply that she may continue to ‘be’.

What we do, depends on what we ‘see’.

To some, the unforgiving harshness of the season’s will and whim. While to others, a contemplation of life always beginning.

In peace…

Namaste ❤️

What If Love Is the Only Way?

I have a handwritten note posted to a mirror in my room. I look to it every morning. I allow its words to open and further reveal me. I permit its energy to transcend any obstacles of day.

“Be love until you become one with love.”

The words came to me in an unexpected moment. I’d been crying most of the evening, overwhelmed by the circumstances which seemed to surround. I felt attacked from all angles – at home, at work. Even as I walked my favorite, I felt no rest.

Though as I entered the room, threw my coat onto the bed and fussed over the last threads of day – something truly incredible happened. I felt a warmth wash over – a tremendous release. In a single breath, all of the emotions of self lifted. And, I was freed.

“Be love until you become one with love.”

The words came to me as urgently as air to a soul deprived. Knowing perhaps the magnitude of this offering, I raced to grab a pen. I scribbled hastily like a curious child, desperate to capture their meaning before the moment had passed.

Never before had I experienced love in this way. Not as an observer from the outside looking in – but, as part of something that was much bigger than myself. I felt at peace, yes. But, more so…

I felt whole.

We live our lives in a constant state of unrest. We struggle to assign meaning and depth – to find our ‘place’ within the greater order of things. Though, what if – as the song so perfectly expressed, ‘love is all we need’?

What if our ‘enough’ was comprised of only love?

What if love is our only way?

In peace…

Namaste ❤️

“They Were Men, Just Like Us.”

I’d asked my uncle once to share his experiences from the war.

“The only thing you need to know,” he said. “Is that they were men, just like us.”

He’d served as guard during the Trials of Nuremberg; at just twenty years old, he’d learned more of despair than men twice his age. And yet, he never lost his faith. Rather, he used that which he witnessed to strengthen the fabric of community.

I think often of his words, particularly in moments when those around may feel the magnitude of their own fear. I wonder how he must have felt

Nietzsche wrote that fear was the mother of morality; feeding the roots of both the very best and worst equally.

I often think about this young man standing face to face with those accused of those most horrendous of crimes. And, in spite of his own nearly insurmountable pain he was able to recognize…

“They were men, just like us.”

What defines the course, my loves – between tolerance and hate? The faded path that leads the way to a shared and loving understanding?

At heart, we are the same; presented circumstances which serve either to detach or draw together. And, we alone, have the capacity to choose between right and wrong.

“No one can construct for you the bridge,” he wrote. “upon which precisely you must cross the stream of life.”

As we look out into this world today, I pray that we may build the bridge upon which all of humanity might stand.

In peace, my loves…

Namaste ❤️

This Blessing of Knowing.

Such a blessing in life to be surrounded by love.

All around me, through messages of caring to curled up pup ~ I’m astonished by this gathering of humanity, and its capacity to share above all else.

Never content to manifest simply, love bursts through tethered seams exposing the delicate nature of heart beneath.

And we are made better for it, though initially despaired — frightened by this prospect of knowing ourselves greater than another’s hand.

Just as matter of night needs depth of light to carry out its hues of glory – so, too must we be drawn; a transformation guided through twilight’s yearning.

You see, my loves…

We are blessed in proportion to our willingness to receive.

In peace…

Namaste ❤️

As We Let Go.

What does it mean to ‘expect nothing’, my loves? Is it merely intention with purpose to enrich, or – is it so very much more than this?

To expect nothing is, by far, one of the most profound of Buddhist teachings – and yet, difficult at times to fully ascertain.

We believe it simply to be a matter of choice, a mindset that illuminates our path. But, more so, it illustrates our transcendence from that which disrupts our inner peace.

Imagine yourself sitting across from someone who has wronged you. How does it feel? What are you thinking?

It’s human nature to tend to our ‘wounds’, yet how do we engage our healing? By harboring the moment deeply within, or taking steps to minimize the pain?

Moving past means moving through. We must take create both the time and conditions by which we may begin to heal.

And that requires a letting go of all attachment.

The pride, the ego, the upset, the pain; the wondering why ‘he never called back’ or the belief that they ‘should never have wronged me.’

All of that, my darlings and so much more — we must learn to leave our burdens ‘at the door.’

To expect nothing is to allow all of these blessings of life to enter our soul, unimpeded.

A little something to consider, my loves ~ isn’t it time to let this pain go?

In peace…

Namaste ❤️

A Return to Unity.

I’ve been troubled by the recent escalation of violence, my loves. Not simply for the gravity of action itself, but likewise for the polarization created in its aftermath.

Like the wake of a boat, it divides even the most tumultuous of sea – with white capped rage, rising to fear’s place.

And yet, always following there is a sense of calm, as the waters retreat to their natural state. Because, even the most violent of ‘waves’ knows it’s longing.

Humanity is much like the ocean, my loves. Though, at times, divided – it is ultimately connected in service to all. It is our true source, without which – we’d fail to survive.

Senator Robert Kennedy once spoke to the irony of our fellow man “with whom we share a city, but not a community; men bound to us in common dwelling, but not in common effort.” He spoke of a shared common fear, resulting in the impulse to meet disagreement with force.

Though, I am compelled to ask – how has this force dared to serve us?

My darlings, I’m hopeful today we might reflect upon these words; that they may offer pause in the place of a ‘knee jerk’ reaction.

Only then, may our hearts be returned to unity.

In peace, my loves…

Namaste ❤️

An Unexpected Grief.

I was thinking this morning about much deeper emotions. Specifically, the degree by which they may impact our lives and the space we allocate for them there.

We wish them to go away, to allow us our peace – though, there is always this balance. A struggle, perhaps.

For, how may we ever expect to understand that which we continuously push away?

Today, I am experiencing a profound and unexpected grief. I am thinking about my path ahead; carefully assessing the impact to those most dearly loved. And wondering how I, as one simple human, might possibly lessen their pain.

As a mother, it is my inclination to step in…to make things right. To take on the task of caring for this world, in the way only a mama bear knows.

To love without condition or expectation. To transcend our own pain in order to help another.

Sometimes we find ourselves swimming in a sea of other’s expectations. We become lost as the beacon of our own light dims

In these moments, the physical sensation may become intolerable – as we struggle desperately to find our balance.

When I was a child, I was teased for being such an awful crybaby, for feeling far too much (as if there is such a thing). Though, I’d like to think that this exploration of spirit has, in part, helped me to connect with all of you here.

As the author, John Green once so eloquently shared, grief does not change you, it reveals you.

And in this process of continuous revealing, I can think of only one thing:

To love with all and everything in my heart.

For within that love I find my strength. And, within that love, I find all of you there.

And that, is my first step towards healing.

In peace…

Namaste ❤️

That Which We Believe.

I overheard a conversation while in line at the corner store.

A distraught, young woman was explaining her upset; it seemed, the ‘love of her life’ had abandoned her.

“If only I could…” she said, tears welling in eyes.

Oh, judgement – what a burdensome beast, particularly when turned unto oneself.

We’ve all had those thoughts, haven’t we, my loves? When the world comes tumbling down, it ‘feels’ that everything is our fault.

We try to understand, yes – but, to limited avail. What we so freely share outwardly to others, is diminished when cast within.

Sometimes it’s difficult to be our own best friend. Though, perhaps more difficult — the practice of unmitigated acceptance.

Acceptance is a form of surrender, my loves. It is the capacity to see things clearly, to recognize the interplay of emotions within that moment. And yet, to nevertheless regard the experience with equanimity and compassion.

For how are we to engage love fully, if we can not find love for ourselves?

As Nietzsche once wrote, our convictions are often more dangerous than lies. Meaning, what we choose to believe frames the entirety of our existence.

And, begging the question – how much of our ‘reality’ is conditioned habit?

Yes, it takes much effort and practice to remodel behavior. Though, in the end – radical acceptance is the first step towards inner peace.

A little something to consider, my friends.

In peace…

Namaste ❤️

This Softness of Heart.

Author Iain Thomas once asked that we might learn to ‘be soft’ — to never allow the rigors of ‘world’ to dare infringe upon our soul.

“Do not let the world make you hard,” he wrote “Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.”

So often, we become fixated to point; our ‘rational’ mind seeking assignment of cause. We become vexed by the prospect of ‘making things right’ or mired in the emotion of ‘what should have happened next’.

Our minds are constantly challenged in this way. That whirring, buzzing, thinking, droning often keeping us awake at night.

Until we learn to find release; to let it all go, to step into the effortlessness of an untethered peace.

In this space, there is no right nor wrong; no past, no future – rather, simply a breath’s length of moment.

It is here where we may ultimately find our refuge. And, it is here where we may finally begin to know our heart.

Be soft, my dearest loves. Be gracious as the flowing water, navigating any obstacle with loving-kindness ~ yielding with an effortless grace.

Be soft, my dearest darlings – and let the energy of this life flow through you.

Namaste, and…

Happy Valentines Day, from my humbled heart to yours.

In peace ❤️