Courage

The Best Advice I Have Ever Received.

I remember my mother once being asked, what was the source of her smile.

Without missing a beat, and with a sweet softness to her eyes she replied,

“Find what you love and build your world around it.”

I don’t know why I am reminded of her words today. Perhaps, inspired by my early morning walk in which the last of the Autumn leaves clung desperately to their new Winter ‘post.’

“Find what you love and build your world around it.”

And though, it’s taken me nearly 40 years to understand – I can finally say, that the greatest of blessings are never further than one soul-filling breath away.

For, embedded within each crumpled leaf…and, marking even the most brutal of winter winds.

My darlings, there is love – praying that we may one day have the courage to follow it.

On This Path of Peace.

I read something rather lovely this morning; a suggestion to become a bit more ‘selective’ in our process.

Meaning, rather than choosing how ‘right’ we might be, perhaps we might choose a path of peace instead.

It is a noble one, indeed. Though, one fraught with the perils of past pain. We step gingerly through, while imperfection hangs like a weighted branch – threatening to obscure all light from our view.

But, that’s the risk of feeling absolutely human, isn’t it? That we might occasionally suffer the sting of a freshly ‘scraped knee’.

And still, have faith enough – to rise up again.

On this path of peace, there is often an insufferable pain. But likewise, there is a growing and irrepressible grace.

And, for me – there is no greater good.

“We, unaccustomed to courage
exiles from delight
live coiled in shells of loneliness
until love leaves its high holy temple
and comes into our sight
to liberate us into life.

Love arrives
and in its train come ecstasies
old memories of pleasure
ancient histories of pain.
Yet if we are bold,
love strikes away the chains of fear
from our souls.

We are weaned from our timidity
In the flush of love’s light
we dare be brave
And suddenly we see
that love costs all we are
and will ever be.
Yet it is only love
which sets us free.”
― Maya Angelou

The Butterfly Inside.

When the venerable Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche was once asked, “Why don’t more students attend your teachings.”

He thought for a while, and then he smiled, answering simply, “Because, there is great fear in becoming unmasked.”

Well now, isn’t that the truth?

I mean, how often have we failed to follow our ‘truth’ for fear that we *might* be rejected? So much so, that we tuck it away until our heart literally aches inside.

Are we so eager to impress, that we’ve forgotten the beautiful soul inside?

I wish I could remember who it was that said,

“You are only ever loved to the extent that you are known”.

Indeed, how can we ever feel loved for who we are – if we, ourselves, are too afraid to know?

It leaves me to wonder, how the caterpillar must have felt, when she finally had the courage to let it all go?

All that time, I’m sure, spent locked in worry – never realizing the ‘butterfly’ inside.

My darlings, our greatest potential exists in that moment – when we’ve courage enough to remove our ‘mask’ and realize the potential within.

<3

Begin Each Day With a Grateful Heart.

I had a bit of a rough start this morning. Truth be told, my body and mind felt just a bit ‘out of sync.’

It happens on even my ‘most mindful’ of days. And, the medication I take certainly doesn’t help matters, a bit – as it seems to cause it’s own smidgen of fumbly-ness.

Nevertheless, I am grateful for my imperfections – because, they always remind me of when I need to slow my pace.

To breathe, and accept with grace, each of these often humbling experiences.

Today, was no exception. I was struggling desperately to keep up with the flow of my first meeting – when, my fingers locked mid-tremor over the computer keys.

“Wow, you sure picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue,” someone called from the back; a harmless jab at my inability to move smoothly through the meeting details.

As everyone laughed, I felt that familiar warmth to my face. The next struggle was to keep all those pesky tears in place.

And though, I know the comment was certainly made in jest – still, I found myself a bit caught off guard by my own vulnerability.

It’s these moments of truth, so to speak – the ones which shine their light brightest – revealing all of those dreadful little blemishes on our soul.

It’s here that we learn the most about ourselves; when we’re asked to respond, without first determining our ‘story.’

People tend to see me in the warmth of their own light. At times, forgetting about the human soul inside.

The one who, at times, sits so completely exposed.

I’ve always believed tears to be the heart’s way of expressing that which can not be put into words. And, in this life, my darlings…

Sometimes we fumble

Sometimes we falter…and,

Sometimes we cry.

But, rest assured…there is always something magnificent to be learned.

“You just go a little crazy, you know. Sometimes. And why? Well only because your soul is just too big for you.”  ― C. JoyBell C.

My darlings, it’s these moments of stretching beyond our truest limits – that allow our soul to finally break free.

And, for this – just this – I am forever grateful.

<3

In Our Letting Go: Opening to Our Greatest Wisdom.

We all have those moments.

Someone says or does something to offend. They may criticize the performance of our work. Or, make snide comments when they’re certain we’re not listening. Perhaps, more boldly, that might question the rationale of our decisions.

And, just like that, instantly we are hooked – pulled into the chasm of our own past burdens, as we struggle with the perceived deliberateness of the act.

What were they thinking?

And, just who do they think they are?

Our minds spin quickly into a dozen different stories, far before reason has had a chance to settle in. And, before we know it – we are spiraling out of control; tumbling forward into the habit of reaction.

“Remember the fairy tale in which toads hop out of the princess’s mouth whenever she starts to say mean words? That’s how being hooked can feel. Yet we don’t stop—we can’t stop—because we’re in the habit of associating whatever we’re doing with relief from our own discomfort.” – Pema Chodron

Indeed, it is very much like that old fairy tale.  That’s our shenpa – the urge, so to speak; causing us to abandon the tranquility of our inner peace, for a reaction that may or may not make sense.

And, when it finally passes – my goodness, how quickly we see the ‘error’ of our ways.

We may feel guilty for our transgression. Perhaps, even weakened by the experience. And, in that moment we vow – to never, ever, ever walk this way again.

It’s such a vicious cycle, now isn’t it? But, trying to avoid the energy of emotion, only serves to intensify it.

So, just what on earth can be done?

As Pema Chodron suggests, “What we really need to do is address things just as they are.”

Without judgement

Without fear…and,

Without all those I wonder if’s

To allow ourselves the grace of this opportunity, that we might soon learn the truth of our experience:

That it is only through our letting go, that we may finally gain this world.

My darlings, it is within this space that our greatest wisdom is formed; one which rests upon a foundation of courage, and…the only one in which compassion may grow.

Out Beyond the “Not Ever Knowing.”

[blockquote source=”Anais Nin”]”And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”[/blockquote]

I’ve often wondered this feeling, my loves. The one in which we stand boldly at the crossroads between complacency and our own ‘most exquisite risk’.

Which path might we choose? What hardships might come? Thoughts fade into the last light of day, as indecision becomes our heaviest cloak.

And yet, deep within, there is this indisputable stirring; a sense that out beyond this space of not-knowing, Purpose waits for us with gilded wing.

For me, these moments have always been predicated by a much greater life challenge; ones that have helped me forge the patience, fortitude and resilience so very much needed.

But, much like the flower’s bloom, we tend to cling tightly to the only comfort we have ever really known, the coziness of this ‘closed off’ space.

Until one day, when we are suddenly made aware, that ‘risk to remain a bud’ far exceeds the fear of our own unfolding.

“Return to yourself, to who you are, here and now and when you get there, you will discover yourself, like a lotus flower in full bloom, even in a muddy pond, beautiful and strong.”  ― Masaru Emoto

For the first time we are cradled by the full warmth of the sun, and we wonder:

How on earth, we might have ever survived so long without it.

 

Learning to Trust That One True Voice Within.

Brother Thich Nhat Hanh once offered, that when first encountering our mindfulness practice – we might discover a million unanswered questions.

Questions such as, “How do I maintain this calmness of center, when the world seems to be crumbling into chaos?”

Or even more directly, “How do I continue to find love for myself, when the absence of love is so palpable?”

We all have these life questions, my loves – questions that seem to take us farther from ‘home.’ Instinctively, we avoid following that ‘trail’ – convinced, that any further exploration would lead to further burden.

Instead of looking more deeply within, we seek refuge in areas external to self.

“We have the habit of always looking outside of ourselves, thinking we can get wisdom and compassion from another person or the Buddha or his teachings (Dharma) or our community (Sangha).

But you are the Buddha, you are the Dharma, you are the Sangha.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

My darlings, before looking elsewhere for these foundations of ‘heart’, we must first bring our awareness back ‘home.’

Home is where all of our answers exist. Where even the most complex of puzzles are effortlessly solved.

“Listen, listen.
This wonderful sound brings me back to my true self.”

It is within this silence, that our one true voice may finally be heard.

The trick is, not only learning to listen – but, to trust in it.

I promise you, it’s there for a reason.

The Promise of Yes.

“For all the girls with messy hair and thirsty hearts.” – Jodi Lynn Anderson

There is a voice within us all, my darlings. Listen closely, can you hear it?

It takes its fuel from our ‘leaves and roots’ – while once faint whispers build to deafening roar. And, marking clearly this path ahead from the one we leave behind.

“Yes…”

Our journey is not one of indecision, my darlings. Rather, it is painstakingly constructed upon the cobblestones of Yes – proudly forged in all those moments that ‘we did so, anyway.’

Look closely. There…can you see it?

Your story is etched upon these cobbled stones, my loves. Every instance you’ve muscled forward, every moment you’ve taken your place to stand proudly amongst those naysayers.

It’s all right here, my darlings – lovingly inscribed with this energy of Yes.

And though, at times, we may feel alone – rest assured, she is always right there for us. Like a shadow pinned to the light, she follows us everywhere.

Waiting at the crossroads of our journey, a promise of hope wrapped within this embrace of Yes.

The Paths We Choose to Keep.

[blockquote source=”Pema Chödrön”]“Remind yourself, in whatever way is personally meaningful, that it is not in your best interest to reinforce thoughts and feelings of unworthiness. Even if you’ve already taken the bait and feel the familiar pull of self-denigration, marshal your intelligence, courage, and humor in order to turn the tide. Ask yourself: Do I want to strengthen what I’m feeling now? Do I want to cut myself off from my basic goodness? Remind yourself that your fundamental nature is unconditionally open and free.” [/blockquote]

I was inspired by a quote from Pema Chödrön this morning – a reminder, that in whatever capacity of our being, our truest nature is to be free.

So much so, that we inherently yearn for it – this vast, open space of feeling completely relieved. We crave the simplicity of an unencumbered life, disentangled from the same old habits which are keeping us from our freedom.

And though, mindful of our longings – still we succumb to these patterns of emotional reactivity, metaphorically ‘raising our voice’, when our simple wish is to understand.

So, how do we stay centered in those moments when our ‘being human’ threatens to pull us away? Certainly, there’s no avoiding this volatility of life. And yet, we cautiously ‘hug the banks’ of a river that is continuously changing. Perhaps, too fearful that we might be swept away.

We watch as the waters shift…forcing new path where the ground crumbles in. We may feel apprehensive and uncertain; perhaps, unwilling to watch as new patterns emerge…terrified to let go of all that we’ve ever known.

But, isn’t it in these moments of stretching past our limits that we finally discover a little something worthwhile?

As Ani Pema says, “It’s as if we are always at a crossroad, continuously choosing which way to go. Moment by moment we can choose to go toward further clarity and happiness or toward confusion and pain.”

In the end, my dearest darlings, it’s all about which paths we choose to keep. One takes us nearer to happiness, and the other…pulls us away.

And, we alone must ultimately walk that path.

 

To Live With the Intensity of a Hummingbird.

A friend asked me this morning, what’s the best advice I’ve ever received.

Without hesitation, I replied,

“To live with the intensity of a hummingbird”

These were the words once shared to me by one of my dearest friends. He had stopped by early one morning for coffee – in hindsight, perhaps ‘sensing’ a need. I had been struggling with the challenge of some recent news, uncertain as to how I might ever find my way through.

“He lived with the intensity of a hummingbird,” his eyes filling with tears, as he shared the story of his beautiful son, David. And though, his voice marked the intensity of his pain – still, he offered safe refuge within his soulful smile.

David had suffered through a rare and incurable disease, finally succumbing at just a few years of age.

Though devastated, still my friend found an irrepressible source of strength and inspiration – recounting the many stories of young David living life ‘in spite of’ his disease.

So, today – as with all days – I shall ‘live with the intensity of a hummingbird’, remembering the heart of a young child stolen away too soon.

Thank you, young master David – for teaching me that life should be lived in spite of our news.

My darlings, may we all live our lives with the intensity of this beautiful little hummingbird.

Namaste, and much love, my dearest friends.. <3