When Our World Becomes New.
“This is my pain,” he shouted fighting back his tears. It had been a long day, and the tempers were already worn. “I decide when it’s time to let go,” he said. “Not one minute before.”
His mother lay motionless in the hospital bed next to him. Though she had fought valiantly, it was no match for the cancer which had ravaged her already weakened frame.
“It’s time,” his father said to him. “We have to say goodbye.”
Yet, there was still so much left to be said.
He was angry for her earlier mistreatments, abandoning the family in pursuit of a ‘better life.’ He wanted answers; he wanted to know. Though, more so – he wanted her to feel his pain inside.
And so, he held on – for a very long time; even after his mother had died.
“There are two kinds of suffering,” teacher Ajahn Chah once shared. “There is the suffering you run away from, which follows you everywhere. And there is the suffering you face directly, and in doing so become free.”
Though the subtleties are not often clear. Particularly, as the mind struggles to understand the implications of our past burdens and fear. Our heart aches for closure and resolve, yet – our actions speak to another will. We pray for release just as we tighten our grip.
Though, ultimately one question remains: do we run or do we hold near?
Knowing freedom and joy are possible within any given moment helps to empower our decision. And, faith is what helps us to find our way through.
For my friend, the initial pain of losing his mother was nothing compared to the suffering created in the weeks to follow. Like most of us, he viewed his pain as ‘separate’ from self; something much greater than his ability to manage.
We feel victimized by these external actions. Though, in reality – the source and the symptom are always the same. We alone decide our response to the pain. And we alone determine our path.
In letting go, my sweet friends – our world becomes new
A little something to consider, my friends…